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Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Feeling Sorry for Myself

That's another bank holiday we've spent with no money. It always seems to work out that way. Occasionally we may find we have a pound or two spare at a weekend, or at least can pinch a bit back from somewhere else if necessary, but if a bank holiday is looming something crops up and we always seem to be absolutely penniless. While everyone else seems to be relaxing or out enjoying themselves, we muddle through another mundane few days.

I shouldn't complain really, it's no big deal, but I do sometimes think it might be nice to do something frivolous like treat ourselves to an ice cream, or be able to visit somewhere new. I feel a bit cheated really. I used to work bank holidays, and weekends, all of them! It was the nature of my job that weekends and bank holidays were the busiest times so days off then were rare. Now it's the total opposite but I still don't get to do things.

I did take a walk into town, and along to the beach. It was incredibly busy and it was good to see all the local businesses doing so well. Sadly my husband's health has been particularly bad and there was no way he could have walked with me. I think that's what upset me the most. Without having fuel in the car he's pretty much house bound at the moment. Normally we don't mind doing things without having money in our pockets, we can have a good time anyway, but as it was he really wasn't up to doing anything.

I don't often feel sorry for myself. I usually just shrug things off and decide tomorrow is another day. I make the best of what we have and appreciate it all. But I feel a weariness I just can't shake off at the moment, a lethargy that is really dragging me down. I suppose we all have our bad days and I'm no different, but I don't like it! This isn't like me at all. I'm finding it hard to be motivated about even the smallest things.

Oh well, it will pass, I'm sure, and I'll be back to my usual self. I just hope its sooner rather than later.

8 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you are feeling so down; you seem to be falling thrught the gaps of the welfare system (without wanting to be political, those gaps are widening). I get DLA disability living allowance which is being phased out and replaced by PIP personal independance payment. I have a feeling that the mobility part of PIP is awarded when a person can walk less than 50 yards (100 yds with DLA) amongst other criteria, but it allows for someone who can walk that but the consequences will be so bad that you can't do it, e.g. breathlessness, weakness, keeling over a few hours or even days later; a cumulation of effects. Also fluctuating effects can be relevant too. If he is over 65, it may be that he could get Attendance Allowance. I'm not an expert; a good charity is a good place to start. I just googled "dial charity"; they are excellent where we live but I see it's a national charity. To be honest, i think most if not all disabled people tend to downplay their condition, trying to be positive, but they can exclude themselves from help, especially those who are bravely struggling on. I have heard people say things like "I can walk further than 50/100yds" but then, when carefully questioned, reveal that they then have to go to bed for hours or days afterwards, so no, they can't really walk that far at all. Maybe you've already tried this but the fact that your husband is housebound without the car shows that he is entitled to help! Best wishes

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  2. Thinking of you and yours and sending strength.....it can be a dismal time of year as well. We need more light and without it-it is hard to be positive. Welcome back I missed you and your family I feel positive you will find yourself with a spring in your step and looking forward- this is just a moment of standing still. Hang in there
    Dorothy

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  3. I am sorry that you are feeling so down and I hope that your lethargy lifts soon and things start to improve for you xxx

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  4. Sorry to hear you are struggling so much, I can't remember if you sew or knit, if you do I would be happy to send you something, I have SABLE (Stash aquired beyond life expectancy) so I'm more than happy to share

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  5. Sorry you were feeling so down, I hope you've picked up a bit now. I'm a recent follower, having read back to the beginning I am full of admiration for the way you cope.....I know we have to just get on with it when our backs are against the wall, but you inspire me with the way you just pick yourself up and carry on. I just hope I can be as strong as you if the need arises. Please don't be hard on yourself, it's ok not to be Superwoman. Sending good wishes and happy thoughts.

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  6. I'm so sorry. I hope that your husband's health will improve. Just getting out of the house for a walk or picnic together might help both of you feel better.

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  7. Are you feeling any brighter Hope? Been thinking of you.

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  8. hope you both ok thinking off you

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