It’s been a long, long time since I’ve updated. Quite simply I had no idea how put my life into words. My whole world crumbled and I’ve been stumbling from day to day. To cut a long story short, after a couple of years of having internet affairs my husband walked out a ten days ago.
I’m OK. It’s been coming for a long time. I thought maybe we’d make it a bit further, even harboured hopes that things might still be sorted out, but ultimately it all just got too much. He say’s it isn’t me; that its all about him and he needs some space to sort himself out, and who knows, maybe we can still make a go of things…. But right now he’s at his daughter’s and I’m packing up ready to move.
Yes, that’s right, we’d finally got a one bedroom place, a bungalow no less. It would have been perfect for him, no longer having to struggle with the stairs to our first floor flat that we couldn’t afford. Instead it became the beginning of the end. He saw it as a way of giving me a fresh start and while I was making plans for our new home, he was making plans of a different kind.
We’re still talking, and still close. Barely a day goes by that we don’t spend hours chatting on line or on the phone. I’m torn between wanting him back and knowing its for the best. After all he has effectively been ‘cheating’ on me even if the woman in question was thousands of miles away.
So now I’m trying to clear the debts, pay off all the bills that have mounted over the last few months as it got harder and harder to be frugal as he spent money like water and turned on me for ‘penny pinching’. It’s going to take time but ironically, now he’s gone, he’s far more understanding of the situation. And that just makes me want to scream. Why couldn’t he have done that sooner?
I have good days and bad days, days when I do nothing but cry into my pillow, but I’m trying to keep myself busy. I don’t know when I’ll be moving, I haven’t even seen inside the new property yet, so I feel a bit like I’m in limbo but I’m taking one day at a time and packing what I can.